Have TESCO Royally F*£ked Up Giving SUPERFOODIO 2,863 stores?
(+ 4 hard questions TESCO need to answer NOW)

He was running
She was running
European Police Van sirens wailed: spookily similar, hauntingly different.

heavy rain fell out the sky, a showering of frozen missiles.

They were running
Everyone running
and running and running and running.

Neeeee Naaaa— awww
Neeeee Na — wwwww
Neee NA —- wwwwwww

Running from the sirens.
Running from the voices in their heads.

A grey buttery day. Trees miffed as the wind screamed through the leaves. The sound of thousands of broken bones falling on concrete. Scraggly violent graffiti red and orange crawled the walls.

Thick mustardy Portuguese accents boomed like heavy bats. Thick “Ds”, heavy “LS” - like dollops of thick sludgy grey porridge.

Sky coloured a grey sludgy porridge, too. Piercing the porridge were bouncy-castle, bubble-gum American accents.

High pitch.
High voltage.
Highly annoying.

All in bubble gum-yellow and green and blue Under Armour and Tietelist golf shirts. Tucked into shorts with a leather belt. Mandatory Goatee. Sunglasses with a strap.

“Cliveeee, where are ya’ll?”
“Cliveee, wanna go out to the Time Out Market before the Runners come around??”
(you probably need a Time Out from scoffing your gob pal)

Just been in Lisbon watching my friend run the marathon.

Well, I sat on the side
Sipped cold larger and scoffed warm Natas and smoked heavy ciggies and lightly ogled

I realised

Every runner has DIFFERENT capabilities, alas, every runner has DIFFERENT start times.

Imagine putting a 12 year on the SAME starting line as a 32 year old?
TOTALLY unfair, right?

This is the ISSUE using AVERAGE RATE OF SALE to measure both CHALLENGERS and CORPORATES

And this is why I’m worried about TESCO giving SUPERFOODIO 2351 stores

Guests from the poddy say the following about distribution

Adam Balon, founder innocent. “more brands get sunk from doing bad deals with retailers than good ones”.

Remember. Innocent started in 10. YES 10. 10 fucking Waitrose stores.

Giles Brook, VITA COCO- “too much distribution is dangerous”

I love Jagir and Nirali - they’re good friends.
I love their energy and kindness and warmness.
I love their product, it’s unique and playful and original.
I love their graft and hustle.

Look and - I maybe totally wrong here - I don’t have all the facts - just my opinion - I can’t help but think, TESCO are about to ruin their dreams??

Too much Distribution is like Throwing a Baby Toddler in a Swimming Pool Without Armbands.

Four Questions for TESCO to answer to

1. Support SUPERFOODIO
2. Protect the future of challenger brands

🍔 1. I ask TESCO to remember Slow Partnerships Win the Race.

Tesco buyers, don’t jump straight from Championship to Champions League, build slow.
Instead of giving SUPERFOODIO 1000 stores (where it could fail)

Year 1 - 200 stores
Year 2 - 350 stores
Year 3 - 450 stores

🍔 2. I ask TESCO to “Reframe” the Holy Grail metric

Average RoS is great for comparing corporate vs. corporate.

But, it’ll take a flight of imagination for challengers.
Surely these are better, more apt metrics for challengers?

• Cash margin per X sold

• Value (£) bought into the total category

• Fun and newness bought into the total category

Different start lines = different races = different metrics.

You wouldn’t put a 12 year on the SAME start line as a 32 year old? Would you?

🍔 3. I ask TESCO to extend SUPERFOODIO’s Rate Of Sale Runway?

Giles Brook said brands have WAY less time to prove Rate of Sale now.

3-6 months tops.

That’s fine, if you give a brand 100 stores to prove themselves, and, they’re not hitting targets after 6 months. Bin ‘em. Alas, thou can only roll a turd in glitter for so long.

BUT… BUT… BUT

if you give a small, amazing brand, like SUPERFOODIO, +2000 stores. Pleaseeeeeeee give them TIME to prove themselves.

TESCO please give SUPERFOODIO more than 3 months to hit ROS targets.

TESCO, please, if SUPERFOODIO don’t hit ROS targets, please reduce store count and put them in the RIGHT stores.

SUPERFOODIO, unlike, PEPSICO are not CELL E9 on your Excel Sheet. Jagir and Nirali are beautiful souls with wonderful dreams.

🍔 4. I ask TESCO to remember SUPERFOODIO’s are still a challenger brand in 3 years

Challenger brands always start as challenger brands.

But, in around 3 years time, on a gloomy day in Wellywn Garden City.

A buyer will turn to brand and says “Ohhhh btw, you’ve been listed for 3 years… you’re no longer a challenger brand… give us £30k for a Gondola End”.

Why?

Each year, retailers want more and more and more and more ££££ from challenger brands.

Founders often forget that the cost of business in grocery increases each year, slowly, this erodes margin.

A very-very-very reductionist example:

Year One (little media spend) = 43% margin
Year Two (more media spend) = 37% margin
Year Three (loads of media spend) = 32% margin

Look, I get it, Buyers need to make loot.

But, surely, if it’s purely for the dough… buyers should go to PEPSICO or Mars or Unilever for that media spend ££££

Corporates = dough
Challengers = newness and fun.

Buyers must use challenger brands to create tension with big existing incumbents. To Milk the Proverbial Fat Casheesh-Cow.

Keep it that way.

Please TESCO (and other retailers) keep challenger brands, challenger brands.

Asking a challenger brand to suddenly start splashing cash like a corporate is like asking a fun loving, Hilarious, Life and Soul of The Party Couch-to-5k to suddenly run a sub 3 marathon.

It’s not our job. It’s not our role.

Our role is newness, fun.

So, How to Support SUPEFOODIO and make their TESCO listing a roaring success

1. Grab a couple of bags from your nearest TESCO store ASAP rocky.

2. Whack a picture on socials

3. Check availability for SUPERFOODIO

Popey x

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Still Hungry? Course you are…

Please feel free to gorge on the most downloaded podcast episodes of all time (these are CERTY: BANGERS)

1. Rory Sutherland: Why Challenger Brands Must Never Follow Logic to Truly Disrupt Categories 

2. Waitrose CEO: How Challenger Food & Drink Brands Can Win and Build Profitable Partnerships with Waitrose - James Baile

3. Spencer Matthews: How Spencer Matthews Built Unshakeable Resilience and Raised + £10m to Launch Clean Co. in Sainsbury's, Tesco and the U.S.A. 

4. How Grenade Exited to Mondelez for £200 Million and Lessons in Unapologetic Authenticity- Juliett Baratt

5. Tyrells Tycoon: How William Chase built and sold Tyrells for £50 million and sold Chase Distillery to DIAGEO 

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