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The Horrifying Moment Everyone Laughed Because I Shat My Pants at 2006 Sports Day & James Smith’s 4 Ways To Build UNSHAKEABLE CONFIDENCE
Dan Pope
February 14, 2025
The old man pointed the gun right at my skull and smiled
fear hurtled through my marrow like a thousand screaming ghosts ::: head all bats and worms and bugs.
And the smell. I’ll never forget that smell. The smell of freshly cut grass melted with fear and screams and cries and burgers burnished on the barbie. Oh boy. I’ll never forget that smell.
The man with the gun pulled the trigger.
BOOOOOM.
2007.
Sports Day.
The 1500m race.
The day I realised how feebly unconfident I was.
The Danes Hill Sports Day is wonderfully repugnant, beautifully heinous and ostentatiously scummy affair.
I was born with a Silver Spoon-up-my-Shitbox.
Wrapped in a cotton wool (White Company, specifically). Attended a leafy-dreamy private school in Surrey Suburbia. The kinda school where Yummy Mummy’s give M&S Yum Yum’s to their spoilt-brat 6 year olds to fill their Tummy Tum Tums. I was one of those.
On this blisteringly broiling hot Sports Day. The 400m track squeezed the cricket green and big rolling green banks hugged the 400m track.
Between the banks and the 400m track, kids frolicked around in different colour house tops: red, yellow, green, blue :::: a kaleidoscope of fizzing fun in ::::: hot ::: white ::: June:::: SUN.
On the big rolling banks, Fat & Wet & Glistening & Shiny Range Rovers and Porsches and Mercedes and Defenders beached like Big Fat Whales.
Gaggles of Wives-in-Whistles-Dresses stepped out of Big Fat Whales and spread their egos whilst their Chubby-Hubbies spread blankets and M&S picnic spreads.
The Wives-in-Whistles snarled and compared themselves to the SpagWags.
**SpagWags - WAGS (Wives & Girlfriends) who Only Feed Their Kids Spaghetti Bolognese.
Many of these at Danes Hill snarling competitions at The Danes Hill Sports Day.
Every year there’s an army of PickyNicks at the PicNic.
PickyNick is usually (but not always) an EY or PWC Partner. Sandals. Dandruff Duffer. Riddled with gout. Sweet Farts. Small hands. Only eats satsumas and Chilli Heat Wave Doritos.
The PickyNick’s usually (but not always) have a South African wife-who-wears-the-trousers.
This Poor PickyNick at the PicNic had a South African wife called Kimmy who berated PickyNick for even breathing at the PicNic.
“Nick, get tha fokin’ satumas out the fokin’ car”
“We’re all fokin’ starvin ovaa ere”
“Okay, okay, okay petal… here’s your satsumas petal…sorry for even breathing petal”
The Danes Hill Sports Day is a BACCHANALIA OF BIG.
BIG Bellies. BIG Cars. BIG egos.
Parents slink around like Cheaters hunting for an affair. Pimm’s Pouring and Purring. Cheater Cheetahs. Rugger-Bugger Chubby-Hubbies after the Mummies.
Crouch.
Touch.
Pause.
Engage-in-a-sordid-affair-with-Picky-Nicky-Not-So-Picky-Sada-Wife-called-Kimmy
At School, I was a porker.
I remember the day someone called me a “porker”. (well, probably not a porker, I doubt 5 year olds possess that loquacious lexicon… probs a fatty)
That day, the sword of anguish soared deep into my soul. For the rest of my life seething & screeching & searching insecurities hummed the sickly chorus of “you’re not good enough”.
These Chips on my shoulder (…Fucking love chips tbf)
These chubby chips on my shoulder never left me.
These chubby chips fuel me.
Keep me chippin n’ chippin n’ chippin away.
On Sports Day, once the gun fired.
I turned lack of confidence into a superpower.
I broke the school record at the 1500m
3 months before the race, I ran every.single. day. Running down the demons of “you’re not good enough”.
Every founder I speak to (in some way) is building a brand to fill some void.
James Smith, founder of Neutonic, wrote a wonderful book called How To Be Confident.
Here’s some lessons on confidence for those (like me) who naturally lack confidence.
ONE: Tinder vs Ted Talk Rule: Confidence isn’t binary
James performed a Ted Talk to 1000’s of people but was still on Tinder.
Professionally confident.
Personally unconfident.
Elvis was confident on stage.
Personally, lacked confidence in his dealings with nefarious manager the Colonel.
Tiger Woods, very confident at golf. Personally, lacked confidence in his relationship with his father and marriage.
Amy Winehouse confident on stage singing jazz, personally lacked confidence.
Liam Payne and Kurt Cobain, too.
When these celebrities die, we’re so shocked because we ask ourselves?
Why?
How?
You had it all?
You were so confidence?
We believe confidence is binary: you’re either confident or you’re not.
THIS IS A HUGE LIE
You can be hugely confident in one area of your life, but, unconfident in another area.
Personally. I am incredibly confident at podcasting, I know I’ll have a great conversation with literally anyone I meet. I feel totally comfortable standing up in front of 500 people.
Sometimes ordering a fucking coffee at Starbucks or asking for a girl’s number I get all awkward. Externally I’m very confident. Internally, less so.
The Good News?
Every “confident” person you compare yourself to is “unconfident” in their own unique way.
TWO: Inaction is still an action
“I lack confidence” is a disease.
“I lack confidence” is an excuse.
“I lack confidence” is a perceived cuddle or blanket. But we are actually stabbing ourselves in the back.
Not going to the buyers meeting because you’re nervous is still an action.
Not approaching the guy or girl at a bar because you’re nervous is still an action.
Not accept the opportunity to speak on stage because you lack confidence is still an action.
Not asking for the pay rise because you you lack confidence is still an action.
Not asking for applying for that dream because you you lack confidence is still an action.
The irony of inaction?
Inaction is still action.
Inaction is still action.
Inaction is still action.
Inaction is a warm safety blanket we wrap around ourselves. You don’t need to do that. Stay safe. Stay in your lane. You’re not qualified here. Don’t bother. Someone else with more confidence will win it.
Short term comforting.
Long term nefarious.
The inaction safety blanket creates a chain of nefarious thought loops. Overtime these thought loops become concreted in our psyche.
Thought loop, I am always going to be single, so there’s no point in trying to find someone.
Thought loop, I am always going to bad at negotiation, so there’s not point in even going to the meetings.
Thought loop, I am always bad at public speaking, so there’s not point in even going to the in even trying.
Then we add Confirmation Bias into the mixer.
Confirmation bias: the tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one's existing beliefs or theories.
The “I am not confident” thought loop = we go out into the world looking for evidence to support our “I am not confident” belief.
I am not confident = bad thought loop = go out in the world = look for confirmation bias = Yup, I am not confident
When you add confirmation bias to this + time = End up believing you’re perpetually unconfident.
We really, really, really must shatter these beliefs.
The only way to shatter these beliefs is through ACTION.
You can’t THINK your way to confidence.
You can only ACT your way to confidence.
THREE: Confidence is our relationship with failure not success.
James has a great rule: Losing is not defeat
It’s NOT Confidence is our relationship with failure not success.
The best salesman, is the one who doesn’t care about rejection.
The best comedian is the one who bombed the most.
The best actor, is the one who’s bombed the most auditions.
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