how to never feel stress or anxiety ever again.

Last week, a big dollop of scintillating wisdom surfed into my orbit.

I received an incredibly kind WhatsApp message this week from an old friend.

An incandescent earthquake erupted and rushed through my synapses.

I got a DM from Sol Campbell saying he loves the HUNGRY poddy and that he’s deeply sorry he left Spurs for Arsenal and wandered if I wanted to go for a Greggs Chicken Tikka Sandwich to talk things through and put our cards on the table.

I wish. But, nay, this was the actual message.

“Just checking in - is Everything okay?”

Immediately, I replied:

“Yes, yes, everything is going great, thanks so much for checking in…. Everything okay your end?”.

I thought that’s incredibly sweet and kind and oh-so wonderfully lovely. Now’t more than that. Cracked on with my day.

That evening, I marched out the ferociously bright and anaemically strident M&S on Northcote Road. Colossal amounts of grey piss leaked out the sky, thunderously miffed looks scrunched across peoples faces.

I had an M&S Cuzza Ready Meal, I was ready for my ready meal (also M&S do these fucking cookies from their bakery section which are 10/10)

Slapped said M&S Cuzza in the microwave, sank into sofa, plopped feet up, vanished into my book.

“Without Reservation” by Jeremy King is utterly wonderful.

It’s James Bondification of Will Guidara’s seminal Unreasonable Hospitality imbued with Brilliant Britishness and peppered with plush, proper politeness.

King is the King of Restaurants. Clinking cutlery and xchanging gooey-fudgy platitudes with Princess Diana, Herbert Gilbert, A.A Gill. The Bon Vivants of British Brilliants.

Jeremy is one of Britain’s most revered restaurateurs. Le Caprice. Arlington. The Ivy. The Wolsey. Simpsons. The Park.

In the book. Jeremy says something wonderful

When guests come up to Jeremy and ask: “Is Everything Okay?”

Jeremy kindly replies “No”.

Le Caprice and The Ivy guests, throb with opulence, stink of sparkle, hum with regality.

Eyes Z_)_ON_N_NKING out their heads:: ferociously flabbergasted.

Jeremy then replies: “When is Everything Okay?”

“Never in life, is everything okay… Somethings are okay. Somethings are great. Somethings are bad. That’s life”

Jeremy’s words tickled a deep chord and I plundered me into the depths of fizzy reflection.

We’ve been told a lie… that “Everything should be okay”.

The reality for most people is that “Everything is okay” is a mirage and a yummy hallucination. A vacuous cuddle somewhere and nowhere. A pointless panacea that simply doesn’t exist because a life without problems simply doesn’t exist.

We all know that:

Happiness = Expectations - Reality

Social media is a Fuckin’ Fugly monster that’s made Is Everything is Okay even more impossible to actually achieve.

The Instagramifiction of life.

”Everything is Okay” requires a Sub-3 marathon, a fit partner, a perfect job, a Soho House membership and a Star jumps with your shlong out outside Tesco, with your toddler twins in matching VEJAs”

That is FUCKING MENTAL mate?

Reflecting on my life right now. Somethings are FUCKING FLYING. Somethings are up in the air. Something’s aren’t going great. That’s life.

Alas, the first solution to stress?

Accept that Everything is okay is a mirage. Try to focus what’s on going right. Not what’s going wrong.

I put this towering pressure on myself that EVERYTHING must be FLYING. ALL. THE. TIME.

When things are going great don’t fall into hubris. When things are going bad, don’t get too down.

Good times come. Bad times come. Try stay in the middle.

The second solution to stress?

Happy Problems.

Jeremy King talks about Happy Problems in “Without Reservation”. Like so many formidable founders, Jeremy has the canny ability to reframe problems.

Some of my “problems” last week…

Problem:
“FFS, I’ve got tonnes of prep to do and have three podcasts guests this week, a newsletter to write and I’ve got to do my fucking accounts…I’d rather eat a plate of Made In Chelsea Cast Members shit”

The Inverse Happy Problem:
“imagine having no guests wanting to come on the podcasts, having no subscribers to write an email to”

Yes, it’s not a problem. It’s a Happy Problem.

Problem: 
“Jesus Christ, I’ve got a supper club and am drowning in the chaos…allergies.. guest list...loads of people buying tickets… I’ve gotta find fucking microphones and a PA system… how the fuck am I going to get it all done?”

The Inverse Happy Problem:
“No one wants to come to your supper club, you’ve sold no tickets, your sat on the sofa bored and feeling sorry for yourself”

Yeh, it’s not a problem, it’s a Happy Problem.

For challenger brand builders:

Problem:
“We’ve run out of stock and can’t sell to customers this a nightmare.

The Inverse Happy Problem:
“We’re sat on a pile of stock in the warehouse going dusty, because no one wants to buy our challenger brand”

Yeh, it’s not a problem, it’s a Happy Problem.

Problem:
“We’ve got an employee in the business who’s fucking pony and not hitting their KPI’s… how do I fire him, he’s such a lovely bloke”

The Inverse Happy Problem:
“You keep paying this employee to ruin your culture, eviscerate your growth”

Yeh, it’s not a problem, it’s a Happy Problem.

Understand almost all “problems” are happy problems.

The third base solution to stress?
Your anxiety for problems vanishes as soon as you take action on them. Jeff Bezos

Right, toodle pip, Bon Voyage…

Thanks so much for reading xx

Still Hungry? Course you are…

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