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how to smash ANY buyer or investor meeting? (so easy)

Author

Dan Pope
April 10, 2026

In my humble opinion The Seventh Sexiest Wonder of the World is this…

Sexier than Alan Titchmarsh’s shovel (easyyyy tiger)
Sexier than the smell of petrol or sun cream or Vanilla car air freshness.
Sexier than Kevin Di Bruyen’s strawberry blonde-slightly-ginge maine.

The French Accent. When The French speak English it’s The Sex of Lexicon. Latex-Loquacious. Hanky Panky Punctuation. Napoleonic Naughty.

The French are so standoffishly sexy. Interesting. Incongruous. A shell-shockingly rude, yet soul-nourishing intriguing bunch.

The famous Proustian Moment::: the smell of curling a Marlboro Red cigarette:: marbling::: freshly birthed croissants :: fresh biting::: arresting air:: slow yawning of Church bells fawning awake:: fresh hum, drum of coffee roasted::: magnificently screaming out the machine::::: the rattling and coughing of buses chugging awake:: children singing innocuous titter::parents hurrying them to school..

I go to the South of France sometimes. De Temp, En Temp. I order a Diet Coke and it’s like I’ve asked them

“J’ampelle, Dan, Please May I Deploy A Massive Log in your Mouth”.

Anyhoo.

The French and their Chatteau’s provide some serious lessons for challenger brands.

Am voraciously devouring a book recommended to me by Will Guidara.

The Art of Gathering by Priya Patel.

The Chatteu Principle.

So, the story starts like this…

A Château… 20 mins out of Paris… An American and French merger… $20 billion deal on the table… here’s what went wrong…..

An American company called Lucent were trying to do a merger deal with a French firm, Alcatel. Alcatel are a Giant valued at $20 billion.

The deal is headed up by Sergeant Shlid, Chris Varelas, an investor in the Bay Area of San Francsico - he was director of Citigroup.

(side note) He looks like he’s holding a really stiff fart. And needs a stiff Whisky to release the guff ghost.

The deal was supposed to be a “marriage of equals”.

Alas,

Chris decided to host the BIGGEST MEETING OF HIS LIFE - at a castle just west of Paris - The Chateau des Mesnuls.

As the days went on, to quote the book; “the French became more French…”You could see the arrogance and hubris of the Alcatel employees”, “the chateux brought the Frenchness out The French”

“The Americans made not as equals… Henry Schnaut, chairman of Lucent walked out the meetings.”

Cranky Yanky Yuppies with trying to do business in some extravagant setting.

The whole meeting fell apart.
The whole deal fell apart.
Everything fell apart.

Chris said it was his biggest career mistake, yet, his deepest wound blossomed his richest, most technicolour, verdant learning.

The location where you host your meeting is a Subconscious Dictator.
The location where you host your meeting is a Subconscious Dictator.
The location where you host your meeting is a Subconscious Dictator.

Chris’ wished he’d chosen a DIFFERENT location. He believed if they were in a different location, the merger deal would complete.

Why do we never question where we host buyer meetings?
Why do we always host in rank robotic board meetings?
Why do we always meet investors for coffees?

Priya details The Château Principle in more detail.

  1. Venue as Subconscious Dictator:

    Locations come with pre-existing and unspoken scripts (e.g., people act formally in boardrooms and relaxed on a beach).

    As a founder, you have the power to control, WHERE and WHEN and HOW you host your meeting.

    Founders spend so much time thinking about what to put in your presentation deck, yet LITERALLY no time on where to actualy host the meeting.

     

    Perry Hayden Taylor, once met Guy Sing-Watson, Riverford founder. Instead of sitting in a board room. They went surfing off the coast of Devon. They sat on the rocks as the sun set, and that is where “Live Life On The Veg” blossomed.

     

    Venue = Subconscious Dictator

     

  2. Jerry Seinfield’s "80% Rule"

Comedian and absolute G, Jerry Seinfeld talks about the 80% rule of a comedy clubs. Tonnes comedian’s success depends on the club’s atmosphere, Seinfeld says "the venue does roughly 80% of the work” in setting the tone before the meeting or performance starts.

  1. Displacement + Avoid Generic and Fucking Obvious Choices

Avoid hosting important meetings in sterile, "default" spaces like bland hotel conference rooms, which kill creativity and connection.

A great creative venue breaks people out of their everyday habits, waking them up from their routines and signals what the gathering is about.

Take the lead. Be The “Generous Authority” as Priya says.

Be The Master, Be The King or Queen of Your Brand Kingdom.

After reading the chapter, I reflected on all the meetings I’ve ever had.

The Greatest Buyer Meeting I had at ManiLife was taking our WholeFoods Buyer, Alexandra, on a walk around Kensington Gardens.

At Islands, we took our CN Food Buyer, to the Chiltern Fire House, so he could taste the most banging and opulent chocolate pudding on the menu.

People get bored in boardrooms. So take them out the bored room.

if you’re a wine brand… why not take your buyers on a walking meeting around a vine yard?

if you’re speaking to a group of investors make sure you’re on a round not a square table?

These may feel like very silly and inane things, but when it’s violently, blood-bath, competitive landscape.

These 1% differences always add up.

Popey x

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