I am 32...ended up at student goth bar in Nottingham... it gets worse...

It’s Alive! It’s Alive! It’s fucking Alive!

A Wicked time was had in the Wickedest of Wicked places.

I left entered Narnia and vanished up Satan’s stinky arsehole.

Where art Narnia, I hear you ask?
How did I end up in Satan’s arsehole, you’re wondering?

Well, well, well.

Nottingham on a November night heading to Narnia.

After sinking a coupla-cold ones at a sticky-carpet-kinda-cruiser in the city centre, my business partner and I headed to Narnia.

The traffic cloyed as we sluggish-chugged across the motorway flyover. Our muddy silver 2003 Nissan taxi croaked along. Our cab driver, Ziz, was 40ish in a navy and grey McKenzie Hoodie and Trackies listening to LBC drinking a Dr. Pepper and Tut-Tut-Tutting as the news report billowed something and everything about nothing.

At the 5 exit roundabout with signs to the M1, Ziz took the sharp 2nd exit to the left and peeled down a molten black country lane. We couldn’t see a thing. We drove for 5 minutes - or maybe 7 minutes - or maybe 9 minutes - or fuck know’s how long? - down the curling country road.

Suddenly, the lights came on inside the taxi it became clear how messy his car was. Coke cans. Vapes. Cigarette packets. A duster.

The taxi driver said in a gloopy raspy, Notts accent

“Right, you’s here lads… out you’s get…”

“Surely not??!!, I thought

“This CANNOT be the place?” 

“This CANNOT be Narnia????!!!!!”

My feet crunched on the frozen icy muddy puddles and lit a ciggy.

Now we stood under the flyover we’d just driven over 5, 7 or 9 minutes ago.

Behind the flyer, TOTEMIC AND TOWERING like some fucking Alien monster ting from War of The Worlds.

“What the hell is that?”

It was a Pylon pole.

On the flyover, two thin tall pale policemen pulled over some menacing up-to-no-good teenagers. The police car’s sirens wailing through the icy November Fog and it’s flashing blue lights pummelling the molten, endless darkness.

Thick thighed concrete pillars held up the flyer. They were smothered in crawling red, green, orange and blue graffiti. The architectural version of a chunky-junkie crackhead covered in tattoos.

This looked more like a place to take smack not enter Gastronomic Narnia but Narnia we most certainly entered.

Sat Bains’, Two Star Michelin restaurant, RSB was - hands down - the best meal I had last year.

The RSB experience really is Gastronomic Narnia. It’s arresting amazement.

But after much merriment and much booze, an itch for more booze and more merriment blossomed - an itch - I simply - had to - scratch.

11.43pm. Uber Ordered. Boosted back into Notts town centre.

And, that, my friends, is how I ended up in Satans arsehole.

THE ONLY PUB OPEN was a place called The Pit and Pendulum.

It was a Goth Bar.

IT WAS FUCKING RANK.

Inside was a massacre meadow of Funky Punky-Stink-of-Goats-Cheese-Goths. The Pit and Pendulum certainly stunk of huffy cheese and onion unwashed arm pits. Everyone was in black latex. Sullen eyes piercing through black-masscare. Curdled milk complexion.

The sounds of S_C_R_E_A_M_I_NG Goth and Death Metal. It stunk of sweat and hellish and wretched green piss.

I felt like sitting the all down, giving them a Fruit Shoot, Kit Kat and playing them Olivia Dean and Sam Fender “Rein Me In”.

So yeah, that’s how I left Narnia and ended up in Satan’s Arsehole.

Anyway crucial lessons from Sat poddy here:

1. ”Allow your customers to spend money” - Sat Bains

Sat uses behavioural science in his menu design to increase spend + perceived value.

CHOICE ARCHITECTURE + CONTEXT= ALLOW CUSTOMERS TO SPEND MONEY

2. “I won’t teach you how to cook, I’ll teach you how to think” - Sat Bains

Mental Models> Everything.
Mental Models> Everything.
Mental Models> Everything.

what are the big mental models you need to learn in life?

I’d start by reading “Poor Charlie’s Almanack” by Charlie Munger.

3. “Creativity feeds the business, business feeds creativity” - Sat Bains

Linking to Sir John Hegarty, who says, “Creativity is oxygen for business growth”

4. “The least trodden path, is the hardest path, is the greatest path”

It’s meant to be hard. You’re not meant to know what you’re doing. You’re meant to be stuck. Keep fucking going.

5. “Nervous energy is a competitive advantage, always be on attack”

Nervous energy = avoid hubris = avoid complacency = always attacking.

Always fucking attack.

Embrace your nervous energy. It’s a super power.

DEEPLY IMPLORE YOU TO CHECK OUT THIS PODDY!

That’s Allllll Folks… have a banging weekend!!

Popey xxx

Still Hungry? Course you are…

Please feel free to gorge on the most downloaded podcast episodes of all time (these are CERTY: BANGERS)

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3. Spencer Matthews: How Spencer Matthews Built Unshakeable Resilience and Raised + £10m to Launch Clean Co. in Sainsbury's, Tesco and the U.S.A. 

4. How Grenade Exited to Mondelez for £200 Million and Lessons in Unapologetic Authenticity- Juliett Baratt

5. Tyrells Tycoon: How William Chase built and sold Tyrells for £50 million and sold Chase Distillery to DIAGEO 

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