do you like bad sex?

I spat my wine over his face

When he told me that

some brands with HUGE HUGE HUGE followings. Brands who are crushin’mutha-fuckin’ social aren’t shifting a. single. case.

This conversation unfolded at dinner with one my pals who runs a wholesale business.

Cornerstone, Hackney.

The Food was wondrously other-worldly and deviantly-decadent. Lip-smackingly and face-meltingly BANGING.

A scrumptious smorgasbord of small plates n’ titbits serenading my tastebuds into sweet bliss. C’est Bonne.

My friend told me about these brands. Gobsmacked. Flabbergasted. Dumbfounded. Bamboozled. Perplexed. What the fuck, Sarge?

Our conversation was the inspiration for this week’s Starter.

Please pour yourself a glass of something nice. Kick back. Relax. Enjoy.

Starter: Never, ever, ever forget you’re a food and drink company FIRST, media and marketing SECOND

I repeat…

Some brands with HUGE HUGE HUGE followings -aren’t shifting a. single. case.

A salient reminder: the formula for a house hold brand is

Product > Branding> Following - in that order.

Some (as I used to) believe it’s - Following> Branding> Product.

Product ALWAYS COMES FIRST. Not last.

Great branding and huge following without great product is like meeting that gorgeous person at the bar.

Coquettish peals carouse through the musky air (JOOP has that effect…. especially in Torquey).

Excitedly you go back (via the Kebabby ) - only to find their-crap-in-the-sack.

You ain’t going back.

NEVER EVER FORGET we’re in the business of REPEAT. REPEAT. REPEAT. purchase.

1st time purchase is piss easy.

2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th - is monumentally HARD (only great product can do that)

Instead of pissing money on TikTok adverts or other salacious-yet-superfluous tripe.

Realise

🍉 COGS are marketing.

🍉 Ingredients are marketing.

🍉 Your most important marketing spend is COGS and Ingredients.

Main Course: Quality vs. Quantity of Contact - don’t rush to hire field sales reps

My feet covered in jacuzzi-bubbling blisters, ankles coloured like burnt-pink vomit

Never again.

Post-my Cheese Slinging Days, I searched for fresh challenges.

I wanted, Proper Parcels to Proper Homes….D.P.D. was written in the Stars.

I loved the home-kit. Red and Black, my two fave colours (after Teal and Peach).

Also, a nostalgic-nod to the greatest postal-service operator of all time.

The Notorious P.M.P.

Post Man Pat.

At dinner, over smiley faces and Sole Goujouns (how many times Mum??!! Aisle 5…CHICKEN Goujouns)

“MUM, one Day I can be just like P.M.P….Dan Pope Deliveries #DPD”

ONE MAHOOSIVE-GARGANTUAN-MONOLITHIC-ISSUE stood in my path.

I couldn’t reach the peddles.

At the trial shift, met with-are-you-alright-mate-looks?

Clunking and tottering to the van like a Crusty-Robot (I was wearing Ski Boots (to reach the peddles))

“Mateee, done this LOADSAAA times - it’s Kosher-Cubed bro”.

Each delivery took 22.3 mins (gravel driveways longer

Didn’t get the job, wasn’t the RIGHT FIT.

F&B brands obsess with SCALE. SCALE.SCALE.

When hiring field sales reps.

Scale Obsession = Rush to hire loads of samplers at Scale> Drive Trial at Scale>Feed More Scale.

The issue?

THE FIRST TOUCHPOINT OF YOUR BRAND IS EVERYTHING.

If you rush to hire people who aren’t the “right fit” you can jeopardise your brand before it’s even got going.

1 "right fit” passionate rep who breaths your brand > 15 reps who don’t "quite get it”

🥬 QUALITY OF CONTACT> QUANTITY OF CONTACT.

🥬 Quality of Contact = Increases chance of brand evangelists = Increase WOM = Increase sales.

Focus on Quality not Quantity.

Dessert: K-HISSTORY Deep Work. Deep House

Deep Work. Deep House. Sounds like a paradox, doesn’t it?

Or, maybe, a rave set up by a P.P.E student at the University of Edinburgh, who wears dungarees, smokes rollies, eats chickpeas.

Tuesday’s is K-HISSTORY OF ART.

Come dressed as Sean Pual, discuss Jean Paul Cartre.

🎶“We be burnin’, we be learnin’ not concernin’ what nobody wanna say'“

I jest.

Deep Work. Deep House.

Our world is so incredibly fast and busy.

Deep work is a huge unfair advantage. Do more in 3 hours than 8 hours when you’re doing Deep work. For me, it’s wake up early with smoulderingly-strong coffee inhaling techno and thunderously smashing the keyboard.

No calls or emails or phone or WhatsApp until 10am.

If you’re a leader - why not push back all meetings until 11am so your team can do deep work?

Deeply implore you to check out this article by Paul Graham, “Makers vs. Managers:”

In a world full of Busy Managers. Be a Deep Maker.

One small step closer to 300

We’re now at 273 wonderful newsletter subscribers. I’d bloody love to make it to 300.

If you enjoy it and get value and have a spare few minutes, please share on LinkedIn or WhatsApp or forward to a friend.

p.s

No need to read this bit… but please feel free to check out our wonderful sponsors… they’ll help you scale your brand with less stress

GS1

Avoid pain, anguish and toil and thunderous headaches.

If you need a barcode, 1000% get it from GS1

BUT… GS1 are SO SO much more than barcodes - they’re a community supporting challenger food and drink brands

What you’ll get?

• Access to a community who can help you trade on Amazon

• Get free tickets for events and invites to expert webinars and talks

• Pitching opportunities to the likes of Planet Organic, Boots, Sainsbury’s and more

• Benefit from speaking opportunities and further brand exposure

• Help and advice with exporting opportunities and funding

Of course, I’ve got you covered 😉 

Get 20% off your first year’s membership with GS1 UK, use the discount code HUNGRY20 at check out.

https://www.gs1uk.org/about-us/membership/get-a-barcode

Mackenzie Jones

There’s salacious-yet-superfluous recruiters out there - proper Cowboys. Thank goodness for Billy and Paul. The Good guys.

Loved by brands like Lucky Saint, Candy Kittens, Hunter & Gather, FULFIL. Looking to build out your team?

If you need help building your team, let’s chat [email protected] 

BOWIMI

Every challenger Food and Drink brand is using BOWIMI to SMASH FIELD SALES WITH LESS STRESS

Cawston Press, Rude Health, Lucky Saint, Minor Figures, DASH Water, Huel,

Why wouldn’t you?

Check them out here or check out the poddy with Dommy too