One Harsh Truth DASH learnt from their “Deliciously Wonky” Campaign... and why they’re DESTINED to become a Household brand (Mateeeeee, you simply NEED to know this)

One Harsh Truth DASH Learnt from their “Deliciously Wonky” Campaign… and that’s why they’re destined to be a household brand (you simply NEED to know about this)

In the Summer of 2017, I had a very naughty affair.
Sordid.
Sultry.
Should never of done it.

A love affair that grabbed my soul like a 99p Flake ice cream with whipped cream on a hot Summers Day.

Obsessed.
Totally crazy.
A love affair with

Tennis.

Yup, foolishly I gave up my favourite sport of all time “40/40 It” in Kingston Upon Thames Multi-story carparks.

Absconded to The Oxshott Village Tennis Club.

Game.
Set.
Match.
Pass the Oranges.

During my Hubba-Hubba-Bubba Tryst on Court 14, I stumbled upon a more sinister love affair on Padel Court 13.

We’ll get to that later.

To prepare myself for the “Grandiose Entrance” on Court 14.

I brought all the tennis clobber. Multiple sun beds. Grew my hair long. Dyed jet petrol black. Got the hairband and wrist bands… because…“I’m not cool enough to be in tha band”

Rocked up to my first lesson like a let-himself-go-58-year-old-Raphael-Nadal-who-got-into-McDonalds-McMuffins-&-Cocaine.

My love affair — soared — drooped — flopped — failed — quickly — very quickly … Unlike the affair on Padel Court 13.

The Man: Richard.
The Lady: Mystique-Martina-from-Mustique.

Richard. 56. Possessed the for “R”s for Raucously Risible Midlife Crisis.

Receding hair line.
Receding love for his wife, Penny.
Receding love for his finance job.

Richard’s body didn’t match his bank account, small and scraggly. Beady-needy hamster eyes imprisoned in steamy sports goggles. Hawk-like hook nose. Brace of big billowing nostrils with wet nose hair fluttering out. Puffy face punctuated with blotches of pinky-red (that’ll be the Whiskey).

For 22 years, Richard got the 7.16 pm train home from Waterloo to Horsham. Ricky’s self-indulgence eclipsed his self-awareness. On broiling hot June days, he’d scoff back a WASABI Katsu Curry (mouth open) (sauce curdling in curmudgeon finger nails). Stinking out the whole carriage.

As the ratter chugged and charged - - - metropolis melting - - - - splendidly superfluous suburbia welcoming - - - wagging it’s vacant tail.

Richard looked out the window, Daily Practice of Richard-Raging-Randy-Rumination

”Yes, I am Richard. King Richard. A Master of The Universe…. Richard… Nay…Rickkkyyyyy Roseeee Muthaaa Fuckaaaas

Ricky would Penny-Percolate

“Penny is bland and dull…the kids have grown up…it’s okay to have some fun….King Ricky deserves SOME BLOODY FUN. ADVENTURE. DANGER. HIGH VOLTAGE…. muhahahahaha ”

**Richard-Raging-Randy-Rumination went on for months, until he met her at The Tennis Club.

He arrived too-many-bangals on his wrists, driving sparkling navy Bentley.

Chin: Up.
Dork: Off.
Sunroof: Down
Absolute Radio: On.

And, there she was

Mystique-Martina-from-Mustique.

Body a sparkling deep olive and caramel. Personality a prancing, dancing, giggling, jiggling, juggling circus. She cherished her pet Iguana called Ronnie that she fed Weetos.

Mystique-Martina-from-Mustique clocked Raging-Randy-Ruminating-Richard a Mile Off.

$$$$$$ ….Dollar Dollar Bill Yah… $$$$$$$$

Lesson One: July 18th. 9.53am.

They rallied balls and risible flirtation

Pok
Shpock
Pok
Shpock

Coquettish conversational drop shots whi-zzzzz-ed across court.

Mystique-Martina-from-Mustique quipped

“Richaaard, Rickyyyy vyyyy you SOO bwaddyy fit?’

“RickAAAyyyy vhyyyyy you hittaa thaaa ball sooo good?”

Richard thought:

“God, FUCK. ME.… YES… YES…. YES….YES… this is the DANGER. the… HIGH VOLTAGE…. that… the… yes… THE..King Richard has SO long needed…YES…so long CRAVED… .sorry… sorry my darling Penny…but your Dear Ricky Needs some Spice in his Life”

DASHing to the net.

Chin up. Goggles on. Proud as Punch.

Richard volleyed back:

“Ohhhh, why THANK YOU Martina, I’ve been practicing my forehand with a frying pan whilst making the kids supper and using the the kids Nintendo WII any spare moment I get”

“Your swerve, is rweally comin ON Rickkaayy and…maybe… is Turning… me ON…. he hehehe heh”

Lesson Nineteen: October 5th. 9.53am.
Weeks passed. Flirtation soared.

During work, whilst taking his 47 minute crap in the JP Morgan bogs, Ricky would fastidiously open his iPhone notes and write a series of seriously-crap tennis related pick up lines.

He’d practice in the Mirror .

“Hey, Hey… Martina… Fancy some orange Deuce?….hahahahahahha”

“Can you show me where the Third Base line is?….hahahahahhaaa”

“Man walks into a bar… and asks for some First Service….. hahahahahhahahaa”

Whilst drinking DASH and walking to the Padel courts

“Rickaaayyyy…vvhyy… you…So. bwladdy… heewarrious… Rickayyyy”

Ricky’s eyes::: JUMPING OUT ::: his sockets :::: NUCLEAR HORN::: Fighter Jets. Fighting Back The Horn. Jettttttttttingggfgggg Offff into the Distance.

DASH Water and the rise of Padel Tennis teaches a salient lesson in brands going from Niche to Mass Market.

Champagne vs. Coco Pop Problems

Initially, most challenger brands are Champagne brands targeting Champagne consumers, solving Champagne problems.

Middle Class founder creates Middle Class Product in Middle Class Packaging for Middle Class People at Middle Class Price Point consumed in Middle Class Home (probably next to an AGA) (adjacent to the labby, Tilly)

Brands made for Randy love affairs at Tennis Clubs.

This is fine. But you’re seeking to become household brand.

So.

Your brand must move from targeting Champagne shoppers to CoCopop Shoppers.

Champagne Shoppers: Waitrose, M&S, Whole Foods Market, Planet Organic,
Coco pop Shoppers: Sainsbury’s, Tesco, CoOp

Champagne shoppers: do not give a single fuck about price point.
Coco pop Shoppers: are more sensitive to the price of CoCo Pops.

There are INFINITELY more CocoPop shoppers than Champagne Shoppers. To become mass market, your brand must evolve from Champagne to CoCoPops shopper.

Charlie Bigham’s moved from Champagne to CocoPop shopper.
BrewDog, too.
Camden Town Brewery, too. innocent, too.
Rude Health, too.
DASH, are on their way.

Back to Court Two: How does this link to tennis?

Tennis is a Champagne sport.
Padel is a Cocopop sport.

Tennis is HARD & COMPLICATED to get into. Tennis is exclusive. Learning to serve is a mind fuck. Tennis requires high levels of fitness and competence to be any good.

Padel is EASY & SIMPLE to get into. Padel is mass market. Learning to serve is a easy, it’s underarm. Padel requires low levels of fitness and low competence to be any good, it’s a small court with 4 players.

Padel is the fastest growing sport because it solves a CocoPop problem (admittedly, it’s expensive right now, but, over time, the cost will come down).

Padel is made for mass market.

DASH is a great example.
DASH went from solving Champagne problems to Coco Pop problem.
DASH went from playing Tennis (Middle Class niche) to Padel (Mass market)

DASH: “Deliciously Wonky” is Champagne

Deliciously Wonky. We judge on taste, not looks.

A campaign and pithy slogan, I loved.

This is Champagne. This is Tennis. Middle Class Champagne Shoppers “get it”. Mass Market Cocopops shops don’t get it.

Deliciously Wonky and recycling wonky fruit and veg is a heavy lift for the consumer. It’s a tennis serve.

DASH “Finally a Drink to Feel Good About” is Cocopop

The latest campaign is DASH moving from Champagne to Coco Pop.

This is DASH making their brand less Tennis, more Padel.
“Finally, a drink to feel good about”. Easy lift. Padel tennis serve.

Positioning right next to Coke Zero. The Kill SKU, and occasion they’re trying to replace in the meal deal is fucking genius.

Finally a drink to feel good about, is not as pithy, not as champagne.

But it’s Cocopop.
Cocopop = mass market.

How are you going from Champagne to Cocopop?
How are you going from Tennis to Padel?

fancy a free consultancy sesh from big fish?

Our wonderful sponsor big fish are responsible for the BIGGEST brands in the game. Charlie Bighams. GU. Tyrell’s. The Coconut Collaborative. Roda’s. RANA. Yeo Valley.

big fish has worked with pretty much EVERY single brand in your cupboard.

The TOTALLY-bloody amazing news?

We are offering one free consultancy session to one lucky brand… If you’re a Force for Good. Truly disruptive. Taste amazing.

Please feel free to reply to this email, we’d absolutely love to hear from you!

Pretty-pease may you do me a huge favour, mate. This newsletter took me +18 hours to compile + write. It’ll take you literally 10 seconds to forward it on to a friend. Please may you ping it on to someone? We grow one recco at a time. Hugely grateful for you support xx

Still Hungry? Course you are…

Please feel free to gorge on the most downloaded podcast episodes of all time (these are CERTY: BANGERS)

1. Rory Sutherland: Why Challenger Brands Must Never Follow Logic to Truly Disrupt Categories 

2. Waitrose CEO: How Challenger Food & Drink Brands Can Win and Build Profitable Partnerships with Waitrose - James Baile

3. Spencer Matthews: How Spencer Matthews Built Unshakeable Resilience and Raised + £10m to Launch Clean Co. in Sainsbury's, Tesco and the U.S.A. 

4. How Grenade Exited to Mondelez for £200 Million and Lessons in Unapologetic Authenticity- Juliett Baratt

5. Tyrells Tycoon: How William Chase built and sold Tyrells for £50 million and sold Chase Distillery to DIAGEO 

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