the one secret guests tell me when the cameras are off

When I hit the red record button. The conversation is over. Every guest tells me this ONE SECRET off air. This is what they say:

Be VERY careful hiring big executives from MARS, Pepsico, Unilever for your challenger brand.

*** I am not slagging off everyone who works in Blue Chip btw. There’s hundreds of amazing INSANELY people who make the switch easily. Many of my glorious friends are insane operators.

This is JUST what guests tell me off air.

Look, there’s a difference between an SERIOUS OPERATOR vs. a BLUECHIP BOZZA

Serious Operators - Absolutely YAAAASSSSS, absolutely hire these people, absolutely they’ll will take your brand up a level.

Blue Chips Bozza’s - WATCH-THA-FUK-OUT BRAH - they cursh your business. Slow you down. Eviscerate culture. Complicate things. Lack instinct. Inane processes.

Ben Branson, Seedlip Founder, said his BIGGEST MISTAKE was hiring 3 Blue Chip Bozza’s on his Seedlip Journey.

In this Today’s (ring) piece, we’re gunna have a lovely long old chin wag about

1. How to SPOT a Blue Chip Bozza

2. How to TEST for a Serious Operators

The Blue Chip Bozza

BlueChip Bozzas have no idea how to roll their sleeves up and get in the trenches.

BlueChip Bozzas can’t deal with the ferocious pace of challenger brand building.

BlueChip Bozzas outsource decision making to a research agency.

BlueChip Bozzas don’t ask dumb questions.

BlueChip Bozzas have meetings about meetings about meetings about meetings.

BlueChip Bozzas don’t know how to work with tiny budgets.

BlueChip Bozzas talk down to you about their illustrious corporate career.

BlueChip Bozzas wear chunky knit cardigans.

BlueChip Bozzas are the FMCG equivalent of the Youngs Pub General Manager called Gavin (but call me Gav) who thinks he’s the bass guitarist for Stereophonics or Keane or The Wombats.

“Gav, mate, you play for The Wombats tribute band called the Wotists at Kingston Rotunda at Tuesday’s 5pm.”

Blue Chip Bozza’s will use overlycomplicated acronyms on a daily basis.

“Get me COGS BY COP…. “There’s No I In Team and but there’s a U in CAN’T… if you can’t get me the COGS by COP” (whilst watching the Ryder Cup on their iPad).

So, let’s for the sake of brevity (they love the word brevity too) call them BCB’s

Blue Chip Bozzas = BCBs.

So, my friend, my darling warrior

You’ve worked your face off. You’ve put everything into your brand.

Be careful because of BCB’s.

BCB’s are better versed in office politics than you. BCB’s talk a good yarn. BCB’s perform wonderfully well in interviews.

Nassim Taleb says: “Don’t fall into IYI science” (intellectual yet idiot)

BCB’s possess huge amounts of Intellectual Yet Idiot.

How do you spot a Serious Operator from a Blue Chip Bozza?

How do you ensure your senior new hire is bang on the money?

ENTER:

The OG Challenger Brand Leader and Greatest Strategist of all time

Napoleon.

I am slug-like plodding through this gargantuan book it’s leaving my brain wisdom-sozzled.

Highly recommend studying Napoleon if you’re a serious brand builder. French Revolution. Enlightenment. Yup, he’s the OG puppy challenger brand b uilder.

So, how do we spot a “SERIOUS OPERATOR” and weed out “BLUE CHIP BOZZA” during onboarding.

NAPOLEON LAW 1: BE WHERE THE ACTION IS

Napoleon would spend time IN THE BATTLEFIELD. Napoleon made it is duty to speak to every single troop. Learn their names. Learn their interests. Notoriously, he’d sleep in the same rough conditions as troops to show he wasn’t above them. He ensured every soldier had proper footwear (this was a total novelty at the time) and plenty of brandy and wine and food.

I love this quote. Napoleon never thought he was above others.

The Napoleon Serious Operator vs. Blue Chip Bozza onboarding test 1:

Your “Leader” must be able to SELL your brand at a dinner party. In a lift. On the street. To the posty.

Task:

One week’s field sales and win 5 indie stockists on their own.

Many will say - “are you JOKING?! this is WAY below my pay grade” - a sign of a BlueChip Bozza

Serious Operators who are successful will

• gain huge respect from the core team

• show every employee they’re willing to get hands dirty

• show they can sell

• show people they’re willing to lean into fears (field sales is scary)

• show they’re not above people

• develop empathy for actually how hard brand building is

• develop a stronger relationship with the founder

NAPOLEON LAW 2: KNOW HOW TO LISTEN + ASK DUMB QUESTIONS

The Napoleon Serious Operator vs. Blue Chip Bozza onboarding test 2:

Ask senior leadership member to ask 5 dumb questions at every meeting in first 6 weeks.

Blue Chip Bozzas think they know everything. Tell instead of ask. Speak instead of listen.

Great yarn as you climb the corporate ladder. Hopelessly wank for challenger brand building.

Challenger brand teams need to ASK DUMB QUESTIONS.

Dumb Questions = Smart Answers.

Teams that are unafraid to ask dumb questions move faster

*maybe it’s unrealistic and too prescriptive to ask them to for 5 dumb questions per meetings sounds a bit Key Stage fucking Three

But, I’d be observing are these new hires and see if they’re curious, see if they’re asking dumb questions.

NAPOLEON LAW THREE: ACTION> EVERYTHING

Napoleon’s "corps d'armée" (French for "army corps") was famous. Napoleon’s maxims of war and strategies are still used in warfare today.

What it was? (nabbed this off AI btw)

Napoleon's "corps d'armée" (French for "army corps") were essentially smaller, self-contained armies within the larger Grande Armée, each numbering around 20,000 to 30,000 troops.

Self-Sufficiency: Each corps was designed to be capable of fighting independently, allowing Napoleon to deploy forces rapidly and flexibly.

Flexibility: This system allowed Napoleon to mass his forces on the battlefield and concentrate his efforts against enemy weaknesses, while also providing a degree of flexibility in operations.

Speed and Mobility: The corps' structure, combined with Napoleon's focus on rapid movement, enabled the French army to out maneuver and overwhelm its opponents.

BlueChipBozzas lack SPEED, lack SELF-SUFFICENCY, lack FLEXIBILITY.

Serious operators possess SPEED, possess SELF-SUFFICENCY, possess FLEXIBILITY.

How to test this?

Throw them a big decision or problem you’re currently facing.

Blue Chip Bozza signs: will want research reports, consumer insights, meetings about meetings.

Serious Operators: will just roll their sleeves up and just get it FUCKING DONE.

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