we got kicked out of TESCO... I'm fucking furious

We got kicked out of TESCO. A stabbing pain screams through my gut.

The white hot news turned my blood pale and cold. Dreams shattered. Hope eviscerated. Failure towering over. The Wanton of Doom.

Seeing your Brand (or Baby) hoofed out, strewn aside, left like dusty fodder in the central depot, brandished with a gaudy-burning pink “Reduced” tag.

Your brand feels like the chubbykid with glasses picked last at 5-a-side and stuffed in goal with trackies (been there done that).

We did everything in our power to save the listing, and, I mean, LITERALLY EVERYTHING.

When we received the email from our buyer Owen.

I conjured a Master Plan. Started making phone calls. Sending emails. Connecting Dots. Makin’ It ‘Appen, brev.

Alas.

We hired Welwyn Garden City’s Best (and Only) “Take That” Tribute Brand.

#TakeThatTesco.

REMEMBER GET. THEIR. ATTENTION.

Vividly, I remember meeting up for rehearsals.

The Jason Orange sorta-look-a-like was actually called Jason, and, was actually the shape of an Orange. Good Start. Jason Orange 2.0. was an ICT teacher, who walked on his tiptoes and possessed a ferocious Yum Yum addiction (sometimes 4 packets a night).

In preparation for the momentous day. I went to Barbers just off the outskirts of Welwyn Garden City “Lidz N Lickz” (they had a treasure chest freezer in the corner that gave out Calipos whilst you waited for your trim).

Out of my wallet, I pulled these two pictures….

“Bossman… yeah… so… I’m in the market for…a Hybrid-Barlow-Barnett…can we go for a remix remix…of these… ICONIC GB looks, please geeze… yeh chill ?”

Obvs, for my outfit I picked the second option.

Sleeveless Denim looks more suave, less needy, than Middle-Aged-Padel-Court-Club-House-Beers-Swag.

I walked out the Barbers… feeling pretty-bloody-awesome-chuffed…. if I’m being brutally honest with you… okay guys. Confident my Hybrid-Barlow-Barnet would…GET THEIR ATTENTION.

At 8.16am, we took out the Piano out the Fiesta and placed it by the TESCO entrance as staff poured into the Head Office.

Our buyer, Owen, came downstairs and placed his lanyard on the gates.

I looked him right in the eye.

And said…

“Owen, you’re Jamaican Me Crazy Baby…. I Want You Back…”

Immediately, I broke out into my Reggae Rendition of “Want You Back

I guess now it's time for me to give up…Yaaaah Man….
I feel it's time
Got a picture of you beside me…
Got your lipstick mark still on your coffee cup - Jahhhhhh Bless

Got a fist of pure emotion
Got a head of shattered dreams….Yaaaah Man….
Gotta leave it, gotta leave it all behind now”

Whatever I said, whatever I did I didn't mean it…
I just want you back for good… ”Yaaaah Man….”
(Want you back, want you back, want you back for good)

See I want you back for good

Owen looked at me.

“Dan, what the fuck are you doing?…this is actually illegal, get off the premises”

“But…Owen, haven’t even heard my Tech House Remix of The Flood”

Of course, that never happened… soz babes… Manz chopped 7 DIRTEA Lion’s Mane Gummies this morning and am ON ONE.

But, on a serious note (only having a bloody laugh)

why do most brands fail?

why do brands get stuck in the £3-5 million pool?

why do amazing brands get stuck as a Whole Foods Market or Planet Organic brand?

why do most brands struggle to kick on and become mass market, house-hold brand?

How do you kick on into Waitrose, TESCO, Sainsbury’s, Morrisons, ASDA?

Let’s really dig into why some brands make it and other don’t.

First Principles: Why is your rate of sale ACTUALLY crap?

Many brands believe if they’ve got a rate of sale problem, they’ve got a brand or marketing problem.

NEWSFLASH!!!

No amount of good packaging or brand refresh or shelf barker or witty copy or TikTok virility or LinkedIn personal brand building will make up for shoddy product.

Poor rate of sale is a sign the product isn’t up to scratch. 9/10 it’s a product problem not a branding or marketing problem.

A game that’s almost as fun as “Never Have I Ever he he he” is going to supermarkets and looking for mediocre brands with massive distribution.

There’s TONNES more of these brands than you think (especially in rogue categories).

Go home. Taste these brands. They TASTE amazing.

REMEMBER: EVERYTHING IS DOWN STREAM FROM BETTER & DIFFERENT PRODUCT.

Second Principles: Brand and Communications.

Once you’ve asked the hard questions: how is your product ACTUALLY better and different?

It’s time to address Brand and Comms.

Enter Marketing God, Seth Godin:

“just because your brand succeeds when it’s new and small, doesn’t mean its going to succeed when it’s older and bigger” - Seth Godin

Crossing the chasm.

For UK challenger brands crossing the chasm is moving from a solid Whole Foods and Planet Organic brand to Waitrose, Sainsbury’s, TESCO and ASDA.

As you move from early adopters to early majority there’s a sticking point.

some brands cross the chasm.
most don’t.

why?

Same strategy. Same story-telling tactics.

Fail to change your storytelling tactics, fail to cross the chasm.

the story you tell your Early Adopters vs. Early Majority is very different.
the story you tell your Early Majority vs. Laggards is very different

This is where you get stuck.

the VITALLY IMPORTANT nuance here…

Same strategy. DIFFERENT story-telling tactics.

Your storytelling tactics MUST CHANGE as you move from early adopters to early majority.

Right, psychological first principles, why do consumers actually buy brands?

Seth’s Thesis:

because it gives them one or a combination of the following:

1. status

2. affiliation (connection)

3. freedom of fear.

Let’s use Tony’s Chocolonely to explore how your story telling tactics must change as you scale.

TONY’S EARLY ADOPTER STORY = STATUS + AFFILIATION (or connection)

Tony’s die hard fans garner Status + Affiliation from the story of solving child labour and exploitation in the cocoa supply chain.

“Hey Geoff, I’ve found this new chocolate brand… it’s saving child labour and exploitation in the cocoa supply chain, no ones seen it before… it’s called Tony’s Chocolonely… btw the bars are really thick ”

= STATUS + AFFILIATION (or connection)

TONY’S LATE MAJORITY + LAGGARDS STORY: STATUS + AFFILIATION + FREEDOM OF FEAR

As Tony’s became a bigger brand, their story telling tactics CHANGED.

The Late Majority and Laggards do not garner Status from the cocoa exploitation story.

The Late Majority and Laggards care less about cocoa exploitation vs. the early adopters. Harsh but True.

Tony’s CHANGE their story telling tactics to create TENSION with Late Majority and Laggards.

Tony’s storytelling tactics focus on creating a brand more desired vs. Cadbury’s and Nestle.

Suddenly, parents FEAR their kids will look like a losers if they don’t buy Tony’s for Halloween parties.

“We’re going to a Halloween party, all the kids are now obsessed with Tony’s Chocolonely…we can’t bring Cadbury’s we don’t want our kid to look lame… and get bullied”.

The new story focuses more on Freedom of Fear i.e. not being the odd one out.

Check out the full poddy with Seth here you bladdy legends.

Have a wonderful weekend,

Popey xx

Still Hungry? Course you are…

Please feel free to gorge on the most downloaded podcast episodes of all time (these are CERTY: BANGERS)

1. Rory Sutherland: Why Challenger Brands Must Never Follow Logic to Truly Disrupt Categories 

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3. Spencer Matthews: How Spencer Matthews Built Unshakeable Resilience and Raised + £10m to Launch Clean Co. in Sainsbury's, Tesco and the U.S.A. 

4. How Grenade Exited to Mondelez for £200 Million and Lessons in Unapologetic Authenticity- Juliett Baratt

5. Tyrells Tycoon: How William Chase built and sold Tyrells for £50 million and sold Chase Distillery to DIAGEO 

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